The Incredible Petrified World

 The Incredible Petrified World was shot in 1957 but not released until 1960.  One can easily see why it was held back for so long.  First, lets take a look at the beginning.  Our opening credits are displayed over a storm ridden sea.  Genre fans will recognize the music that accompanies the titles.  Its 'borrowed' from War of the Gargantuas.  Once the credits end our film finally opens with...stock footage!

A deadly battle between a shark and octopus plays...and plays.  The narrator tells us about the wonders and terrors of the ocean.  He also mentions some 'phantom zone' in the ocean made up of fish.  Anyway, turns out the stock footage and narrator are part of the actual story.  Mr. Science, this is what i call any useless or forgettable smart guy, is giving a presentation about the ocean and specifically, a new diving bell.

We move on to an expedition...somewhere.  Mr. Science mentions the South Pacific, the Caribbean and the Florida Keys...and the movie begins to shimmer.  A flashback?  A dream?  Who knows?  Anyway, after we are introduced to our forgettable adventurers, who are accompanied by an intrepid female reporter, the bell begins its descent.

The bell breaks loose and is lost forever!  Actually, that would have made for a more interesting movie.  But no, we are treated to John Carradine's look of 'anguish' over the loss of all hands aboard the bell.  I say 'anguish' because really, he looks sleepy.  Likewise, when a relative learns the same news his 'anguish' looks more like a headache.  Getting rid of useless scientists and female news reporters is hard work.  Just ask Superman.

Cut to the bell, a miracle it survived.  We are given some flimsy explanation that the bell drifted to a safe zone or something.  The science is pretty sketchy.  Now, I'm not one to completely nitpick movie logic and science...but when our crew decide to leave the bell they open the hatch...and no water rushes in.  Zounds!  Despite that, our intrepid female reporter breaks down.  Because really, women are useless and prone to panic.  Hey, its not my personal view, just b-movie logic.

The crew discover a cave and begin to explore.  They find...a gila monster, though sadly, not a giant one.  Then...a skeleton!  An old man!  The surprises never stop!  The useless women are left behind as the men try and find a way out.  Meanwhile, John Carradine begins a long explanation which honestly put me to sleep.  I woke up to...science montage!

Back in the cave our explorers are unsure about the old man.  They don't believe his story, and to be honest he does seem creepy.  We see him leering at the women.  Cut the guy some slack, he's been alone, in a cave for fourteen years.  Thankfully an earthquake suddenly happens and the old pervert dies.  John Carradine launches a second diving bell and our brave explorers are rescued.  Everyone stands around stating the obvious, someone makes a very unfunny observation to much laughter and we have...

 Like i said, this movie put me to sleep.  Its not the first time though.  I've subjected myself to countless b-movies since childhood but only a hand full ever put me sleep.   I honestly didn't miss anything, as i slept through the science(!) montage.   I keep referring to our intrepid female reporter.  This is because the reporter is played by Phyllis Coates, who played Lois Lane in the first twenty-six episodes of The Adventures of Superman. 

The Incredible Petrified World is incredibly flawed.  Forgettable characters, bland acting and long stretches of inaction make this one you can sleep through and not feel guilty about.  Though one lesson has been learned.  If you're trapped under ground with a woman, any woman, all you have to do is suddenly proclaim your long restrained lust for her and she's all yours.