Fright Night

This is, of course, the 1985 film.  Immediately we get a reference to Dracula.  That infamous line of dialogue where Bela Lugosi talks about child of the night.  We see a TV playing and are introduced to Roddy McDowall playing Peter Vincent, vampire hunter.  The name, Peter Vincent, is of course a nod to two giants from the horror movie genre.  Peter Cushing and Vincent Price.  A couple make out on the bedroom floor. Their make out session becomes a lovers quarrel when the guy becomes frustrated that he is not able to…advance further.  He looks out the window and spots two men moving a coffin through the yard.  As the girl takes her shirt off he’s no longer interested.  He’s now focused on the strange events in his own back yard.  For ignoring a shirtless woman, I dub him…doofus.

The next day doofus is still curious about his new neighbor, especially so when he gives a beautiful blonde directions to the house.  In the middle of the night he hears a woman scream….and we cut to doofus at the mall studying.  On TV he learns that the blonde was murdered, and once again ignores his girlfriend. 

The following day doofus tries to break into the basement of his new neighbor, but is ran off by a creepy guy.  He sits up all night keeping a close watch on the property.  After waking up from a nap he sees…a naked woman!  If only he hadn’t ignored his girlfriend he could have seen one the the other night.  Anyway, he shamelessly watches her get naked.  We see a guy there too, and just as he is about to sink his teeth into her neck he notices that doofus is watching.  He slowly draws the blinds down and we see…he has girl hands!

Doofus tries to warn his mom, then runs out and sees what he believes to be a body being loaded into the back of a jeep.  Our supposed vampire tosses an apple at doofus…which causes him to run off like a little girl for some reason.  He tries to convince his mom and his girlfriend…though why she still bothers with him is beyond me.  Naturally, they don’t believe him…but the police do!  Creepy guy and the cop make fun of doofus and the cop leaves.  Doofus runs over to his idiot friend…who also doesn’t believe him.  But, he will believe him for…$8.  Idiot gives doofus a cross and explains what we all know will kill a vampire.  Garlic, holy water, stakes…and that a vampire must be invited in.

Doofus rushes home to find the vampire already in his house.  He freaks out and runs upstairs.  He wakes up later that night to strange sounds on the roof.  We see the vampire lock mother doofus in her room.  Doofus goes into his room and is attacked by the vampire.  He tells him to be quiet otherwise his mom will wake up and he’ll have to kill her.  He forgets this seconds later as he proceeds to throw doofus around, making all kinds of noise.  The cross has no affect and he nearly gets strangled and thrown out a window, but at the last second manages to stab the vampire with a pencil. 

Finally the mom wakes up and the vampire runs away.  Doofus tries to relax by…watching a vampire movie.  The vampire calls to taunt doofus and tells him he wrecked his car.  Man, this vampire is a real dick.  Roddy McDowell shows up on TV again and informs us he believes in vampires.  Great timing.  For some reason doofus believes Roddy and the next day tries to convince him that his neighbor is a vampire.  Roddy thinks doofus is crazy, just as any sane person would, and drives off. 

Later, the girlfriend and idiot friend show up and see that doofus has filled his room full of candles, garlic, crosses, and is making stakes.  Girlfriend tells doofus she loves him.  Why she loves him is beyond me, all he’s done the entire movie is yelled at her for not wanting to have sex and ignored her repeatedly.  Idiot and girlfriend leave to talk to Roddy.  They try to convince him to help, but they fail.  Yet again money talks however, and the girlfriend offers Roddy $500.

Later everyone meets up and goes to see the vampire.  The vampire tries to put the moves on the girlfriend.  Earlier in the film we saw that the vampire had a painting of someone who looked remarkably like her.  Roddy has the vampire drink some fake holy water.  The vampire escorts them out…but not before Roddy looks into a mirror and realizes that he is, in fact, dealing with a real vampire. 

Later the vampire slowly follows idiot down an alley and kills him.  He was the best friend $8 could buy.  Doofus and girlfriend hear a strange Star Trek explosion and are slowly followed by the vampire. Cut to Roddy’s apt where idiot knocks on his door, and reveals he is now a vampire.  Roddy puts the whammy on him by holding a cross to his forehead.  Forgetting he’s now a vampire, idiot looks into the mirror and when is further threatened, leaps out the window.

 
The vampire walks into a club where doofus and his girlfriend are hiding and the girl is immediately drawn to him.  They dance together and get pretty touchy feely while our 80s soundtrack plays.  Finally, our hero, doofus enters and tries to take his woman back.  He gets his hand crushed and the vampire tells him if he ever wants to see her again to get Roddy McDowell and come over to his house. 

Doofus tries to get Roddy to help him but he tells us he’s too scared to do anything.  Later girlfriend wakes up in bed…wearing different clothes.  They play kissy face for a bit, she takes her top off and gets bit.  What did she expect was gonna happen?  Doofus shows up, but so does Roddy who changed his mind about helping.  They walk in and after the vampire acts pompous, Roddy waves a cross in his face…which has no affect.  The vampire tells him you must have faith for it to work. Doofus pulls out his cross and drives him away, then gets knocked out by creepy guy…who we forgot about because he hasn’t been around for twenty minutes or so.

Roddy runs over to warn mother doofus but instead finds idiot.  He turns into a wolf and charges, but Roddy runs him through with a table leg.  There is an interesting moment where Roddy feels sorry for idiot and almost pulls the table leg out…but stops himself. Idiot dies a painful death, the best vampire $8 could buy.  Doofus learns his girlfriend is now a vampire as Roddy shows up.  Roddy tells us that if they kill the vampire before dawn girlfriend will return to normal.

Roddy shoots creepy guy in the head with a gun.  It doesn’t work of course, but Roddy keeps shooting anyway.  Doofus finally proves useful and stabs creepy guy with a steak.  He starts to melt.  Our vampire tells girlfriend to kill Roddy and doofus, but she is driven away by a cross.  Vampire plays spooky tag with our heroes and leaps through a painted window.  Roddy is finally able to drive him back with a cross, having found his faith.  He turns into a giant vampire bat and attacks Roddy.  Doofus tries to help but gets bit and the vampire bat flies away.

They follow him into the basement and begin searching for his coffin.  Girlfriend shows up and chases him around while Roddy breaks open the coffin, drives the steak in and…it has no affect.  Vampire simply rips it out and looks annoyed.  Doofus proves useful yet again, (I know I’m shocked too), and starts breaking the painted over windows, letting light in.  Just when we think Roddy is done for, doofus ultimately saves the day. He lets in a giant ray of light that sends vampire flying back.  He explodes into flames and melts.  Girlfriend returns to normal and the movie ends with our couple making out.

Clearly, the movie is very much inspired by Rear Window.  The first half of the movie is very similar…only instead of a human murderer we have a vampire.  I hadn't seen this movie since i was a kid, so it was a lot of fun to sit down and see if it was as much fun as i remembered.  It was.  This is very much an 80s movie.  It also reminds me a lot of my own youth.  Failing math, staying up late watching b-movies, looking at girly mags and trying to see a naked girl in person. 


Ultimately, Fright Night is a fun romp.  Its an 80s movie and it also has some nice imagery.  The monsters are certainly scary enough, as this is not your typical pale skin vampire flick.  This is a movie that pays homage to films of yesteryear while having fun and doing something original.  There is a scene when doofus meets Roddy and we get some dialogue that rings very true to the times.  Roddy comments on the fact that studios only want madmen running around in ski masks, an obvious reference to the Friday the 13th films.  The 80s saw the rise of slasher films and decline of traditional monster movies.  Though, vampires would come back with vengeance…as they are now the ‘it’ property.

Horrors of Spider Island

Horrors of Spider Island is actually a German/Yugoslav film originally known as A Corpse Hung in the Web, released in 1960.  In 1962  it was dubbed and released as It's Hot In Paradise...it was also billed as an adult movie.  In 1967 the film was edited slightly and released as...Horrors of Spider Island.

Our thrilling movie opens with...parallel parking!  We are then treated to a long scene of girls showing off their legs, strippers...and ballet dancing!  They are auditioning for a dance troupe that will perform in Singapore.  With a cast full of dancers, strippers and nurotic women how can this movie go wrong?

Well, first of all this film has dubbing that would put it on the same level as, say, Godzilla VS Megalon.  After our cast of babes is selected we have...stock footage of an airplane taking off.  The plane suddenly, and without reason, bursts into flames, goes into a nose dive and crashes into the Pacific.

Somehow our cast survives and we find them drifting in a life raft, balling their eyes out, much to the annoyment of Mr. Man.  our male lead, Mr. Man, makes the effort to pull each helpless woman from the water once they reach land.  Because, as we have seen in previous films, women are useless and prone to panic.  Also, Mr. Man is not above giving them a smack on the face if they disobey him.  The best part so far, aside from wet and scantily clad women, is Mr Man drinking from a waterfall.  He doesn't so much drink as he makes a, 'slup!' sound, as one would do when pretending to drink.

After a hammer is found Mr. Man deduces its used for mining uranium.  Brilliant leap of logic sir!  They find a cabin and see...a dead man trapped in a cartoonish spider web.  The women flee in terror...except for Georgia, who seems not so useless.  Mr. Man threatens to 'take care' of the women when they start to fight over clothes.  I swear, when he decides to go for a walk i think he was reading from a cue card.  When Georgia catches him making out with a stripper he says, 'Damn heat!  I dunno what I'm doing anymore!' and runs off.  Georgia slaps the stripper around a bit while Mr. Man is stalked by a spider puppet.  I guess some guys would rather face mutant spiders than an angry woman.

Mr Man is attacked and wrestles with the spider puppet, finally shooting it to death with his cap gun.  The damage is done, however, as the spider has bit him and Mr. Man begins to mutate.  Next morning, the women begin a search for him, calling out 'Garry!' ad nauseum.  The mutant kills the stripper and leaves her in a pool of shallow water.  One of the girls thinks she was strangled by a spider.  How exactly?  Next, we have the best catfight since From Russia With Love.  During the fight the girls see clawed hands about to grab Georgia, yet do and say nothing.  When she screams and faints the Mutant runs off, doing a weird sort of dance.  

Cut to...two men who have just arrived on the island, companions of the dead man found in the spider web.  One of the men spies four of the girls swimming sans clothing.  One of the girls is suddenly grabbed and screams.  The other girls begin a search for her, but its ok.  We see she is making out with one of the men.  I'll never understand the logic behind scaring a woman in order to get into her pants when they are already in a dangerous situation.  The idea of taking girls to scary movies is obvious.  But in a real situation where death is possible i just can't see how scaring a woman is a good idea.

 
When the girls learn a ship will take them home they immediately get in their bikinis.  Even though Mr. Man vanished and a girl was killed they dance the night away.  As with Beast From Haunted Cave, we have...moar awkward flirting and conversation.  One of the guys makes out with nearlly all the girls, and they all happily take turns with him.  At this point its been so long since we've seen the Mutant i'd almost forgot about him.  Yet, the Mutant kills one of the men off screen.  He chases a girl and she falls off a cliff, while its daylight...and suddely its night.  The Mutant breaks into the cabin and nearly kills the last man, but Georgia drives it off with a flare.  Georgia hands out flares and they all chase the Mutant.  This is one time where the tables are dramatically turned on a monster.  After a lengthy night chase the Mutant runs into quicksand and drowns.  The next day a boat sails away and we have....The End.

Watch this movie only if you enjoy poorly dubbed, yet scantily clad women.  The score is actually fairly decent though.  As for a version of this film being billed as adult...its actually fairly tame.  Or, at least Horrors Of Spider Island is tame.  We see lots of scantly clad women, but never any nudity.  There is lots of making out, especially during the night party, but its never anything overly sexual.  Sadly, all the nude scenes were edited out of this version.  The best way to view this film is the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode which mocks it.  And is it just me, or is every fictional character named Gary a dick?