Beast From Haunted Cave Strikes Back!

The second video installment of RetroVirus is out.  The time we return to Beast From Haunted Cave...narrated by yours truly!

Beast from Haunted Cave

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan

 
Greystoke:  The Legend of Tarzan is a 1984 film starring Christopher Lambert as the title character.  Lambert, of course, would become famous for his role as Connor MacLeod in the Highlander film series.

Our movie opens in Africa as a harsh storm begins to set in.  A domestic dispute erupts between two chimps and, as a result, their infant son is killed.  The film then shifts ten months earlier in Scotland where the Earl of Greystoke and his wife, Alice, depart on a voyage but are quickly shipwrecked in Africa.  The film catches up with itself as we see the apes from the prologue, with the mother cradling her dead infant.

John Clayton, who will grow up to become Tarzan, is born, but his mother is left in a weakened state, catches malaria and dies.  The male chimp soon enters the treehouse and kills Tarzan's father.  Kala, the female chimp, abandons her dead infant and adopts the infant human.  Time passes and we see little Tarzan grow up.  He is a wild, naked boy who has taken on chimp traits, as well as learning to mimic animal sounds.

Tarzan learns to swim in order to escape a black panther as it kills a member of his 'family'.  Many years later he discovers the treehouse he was born in.  He sees himself in a mirror, learning he is different from his family.  Later, while in the treehouse, natives mortally wound Kala.  Tarzan tries to care for her but is stabbed by a native.  Tarzan kills the native in anger and is left with the body of his dead 'mother'.

Many years later Bilbo Baggins arrives...or perhaps it's Jack the Ripper?  Philippe D'Arnot , played by Ian Holm, is exploring the jungle when he finds the treehouse.  Natives attack, killing nearly everyone and leaving D'Arnot alone and injured.  Hiding in a tree to escape the natives, it is here that he first encounters the ape man.  Tarzan takes care of D'Arnot and returns home with his trophy, the carcass of....Bagheera? 

Tarzan and Kerchak, the leader of the ape family fight to the death.  This is a battle that has been brewing since Tarzan was a child, as Kerchak has tormented and savagely beat him in the past.  Tarzan kills Kerchak and becomes lord of the apes.  Later on D'Arnot is able to teach Tarzan bits of songs and some english, his mimicing skills put to good use.  Six months later Tarzan has learned and comprehends english.  Finally, Tarzan leaves his home.

Tarzan arrives at the Greystoke estate where he is welcomed by his grandfather.  He also meets Jane Porter, played by Andie MacDowell.  A bit later a dinner is held to welcome Tarzan.  He forgets his manners and is regarded as a curiosity, especially when he displays his mimicing ability.  Once D'Arnot leaves Jane takes over as Tarzan's teacher.

Much later Tarzan's grandfather dies at a Christmas gathering, in an accident where he was trying to reclaim his youth.  After the funeral D'Arnot returns and Tarzan confesses that, with the death of this grandfather, he is alone, that he does not belong.  Later that night though, Tarzan and Jane play kissy face and are engaged.  At a museum dedication to his grandfather, Tarzan is dismayed at all the stuffed animals on display.  Eventually Tarzan encounters a lab where an ape has been cut open for dissection.

Tarzan discovers his adoptive ape father in a cage and sets him free.  While playing in a tree Tarzan's 'father' is shot and killed.  After some debate Tarzan decides to go home to Africa.  Tarzan sheds his suit, takes off through the jungle, pauses to look at Jane and D'Arnot one last time, and vanishes in the jungle.

Though I have referred to John Clayton as Tarzan throughout this review he is never referred to as such in this film.  Many consider this movie to be the closest to the original novel, though it does take some liberties, especially with the ending.  The novel, Tarzan of the Apes, ends with Jane engaged to William Clayton, (who is once again absent from this adaption).  Indeed, Tarzan travels to America in search of Jane and it is only at the end of the novel when his heritage is proven.  He says nothing though as he simply wants Jane to be happy.

This film saw the debut of Christopher Lambert and Andie MacDowell, though her lines were dubbed by Glenn Close in post-production.  Close would go on to voice Kala, Tarzan's adoptive mother in the Disney adaption.  I think it's interesting to compare the way Jane is portrayed in this film versus the previous film where Bo Derek played Jane.  They may as well be completely different characters.  MacDowell's Jane is warm and compassionate.  Derek's Jane is bitter and very...uh...free with herself. 

I would say that if you are at all curious about Tarzan then you should check out this film.  It is fairly close to the book and has captured its essence.  In the novels Tarzan and Jane do eventually wed and even have a son, Korak, who would also have almost as many adventures as his father.

Tarzan, the Ape Man

Tarzan, the Ape Man is a 1981 film famous for two things.  For being a terrible, terrible movie...and for Bo Derek being naked for nearly the entire film.

 

The movie begins with Jane searching for her father in Africa.  This film introduces a new aspect to the Tarzan mythos.  The estrangement of Jane and her father.  In this version James Parker abandoned his wife and daughter in an endless search for adventure.  Upon the death of her mother Jane begins her quest to find the father she never knew.  It isn't a happy reunion.  James Parker is played by Richard Harris, who may be familiar to most viewers as Dumbledore from the first two Harry Potter films.

 
As with the 1932 film we once again have the character of Harry Holt in place of William Clayton.  The object of their expedition is also the same, the elephant graveyard.  As they make camp one night the (reused) cry of Tarzan is heard.  In this film James and Holt know of the existence of Tarzan...and regard him as a myth.

Once they reach an inland sea Jane decides this is a great time to take a bath.  As she is out frolicking in the water a lion approaches.  As the lion paces back and forth the cry of Tarzan sounds and the jungle lord approaches.  He briefly interacts with her, mostly frightening her, before Mr. Parker and Mr. Holt drive both Tarzan and the lion away.

That night Jane and Mr. Parker argue over Tarzan's true intentions.  The expedition continues to move forward.  Tarzan manages to capture Jane out from under Holt's nose.  When a large snake tries to kill Jane, Tarzan comes to her rescue...and the movie enters this very drawn out slow motion montage.  It goes on and on...and on.  The 'real' Tarzan would have killed this snake in a matter of minutes...much like James Bond did in Moonraker.  Eventually they both just swim away.

Tarzan collapses after his epic struggle and is met by his animal friends:  several apes and an elephant.  After he is nursed back to health the couple spend some time getting to know one another.  Jane tries to teach him how to smile and he uh...investigates her girl parts.

Just as Jane is about to be reunited with her father everyone except Tarzan is captured by hostile natives.  Jane is uh...given a bath and is then painted.  Tarzan arrives, but is too late to save James Parker.  For the battle between Tarzan and the native chief the movie goes back into slow motion.  Tarzan manages to snap his neck and rescue Jane.  In the end Jane stays with Tarzan.  As the credits roll we see footage of Tarzan, Jane and an orangutan playing...though one gets the feeling the orangutan wants more than 'play time'. 

This is very much Jane's movie, as the movie is told from her point of view.  As pointed out at the beginning of this review, Jane spends 90% of the film in a wet t-shirt or topless.  This is, in fact, the sole reason anyone should ever watch this movie.  When I sat down to to these Tarzan reviews I knew I wanted to cover this film as it is somewhat infamous...but I have dreaded re-watching it.  It's just such an odd film. 

If this film feels a bit too erotic you will be glad to know the Edgar Rice Burroughs estate felt the same way and sued to prevent this film from being release.  Obviously, the law suit failed but it is rumored they were successful in having several minutes of footage removed.  The lion's share (ha!) of blame can be placed on Bo Derek, serving as producer in addition to actress, and her husband John Derek who directed this film.

Aside from reusing the iconic Tarzan yell from the 1932 film, the stunt coordinator for this film is Jock Mahoney, who actually played the role of Tarzan in two previous films.  If you're looking for a good Tarzan film to watch...avoid this film as if were the plague.  It fails as a Tarzan adaption and it simply fails as a film.

Tarzan the Ape Man

There are several fictional characters from the early 20th century that have left an endearing legacy, some of them nearly one hundred years old now.  Micky Mouse, Superman, Batman, and yes, Tarzan.  Tarzan is now a century old and has been brought to life through various media.  Beginning with the novels and later moving on to live action movies, comic books, tv shows, comic strips, and cartoons.  In honor of the 100th anniversary I will be taking a look at several movies featuring the lord of the jungle.  

Tarzan the Ape Man is a 1932 film staring Johnny Weissmuller as the title character.  Tarzan, created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, first appeared in the pages of All-Story Magazine in October1912.  A book edition was later published in 1914.  This is not the first film version of Tarzan, as there were eight silent films previously.

The film begins in Africa as James Parker and Harry Holt prepare an expedition in search of an elephant graveyard.  They are joined by Parker's daughter Jane.   After a very long scene where we meet several African tribes...all presented by rear projection, the expedition finally sets off.  They face hostile natives, angry hippos, and some deadly rock climbing along the way.  As they stop to rest a strange cry is heard.  A human cry.  They press ever onward, though the servants are frightened.

Jane and her father set off down the river but are quickly attacked by hippos.  Holt's raft is overturned but most of the expedition members manage to make it ashore.  Just as the hippos are about to attack the strange cry sounds once more, driving the hippos away.  As they look into the trees they see a man in a loin cloth swinging wildly from tree to tree.

While attempting to communicate with Tarzan a hostile tribe suddenly attacks.  In the confusion Tarzan captures Jane.  She freaks out when he brings her into his hut but eventually they manage to communicate.  Jane and Tarzan identify each other...with Tarzan going a little overboard.  The most famous line from this film, 'Me Tarzan, you Jane.' is never spoken.  Much like 'Beam me up Scotty.' it is miss-attributed.

Tarzan takes off, leaving Jane behind, and has some random adventures.  He rescues a trapped elephant, kills a wildebeest and flees from a lion.  Eventually, Jane's father and company manage to catch up with her and take her back from the ape man.  Tarzan stalks the expedition, seeking revenge for the death of his ape friend. 

Later, after being injured by Holt, Tarzan battles not one but two lions.  After defeating them he passes out but is rescued by an elephant.  The apes bring Jane to Tarzan and she tends to his wounds.  Once he has recovered they play around in the river, Jane endlessly talking and flirting most of the time.  Their playtime is interrupted when the expedition draws near and Jane decides to leave Tarzan and return to her father.

Not long after the reunion the expedition is captured by a tribe of dwarfs.  Jane spies Cheetah and tells him to bring Tarzan.  As Tarzan races to their rescue the captured expedition is taken back to the dwarf village and several of them are thrown into a pit with a gorilla.  When Jane is thrown in Holt and Mr. Parker come to her rescue, but are easily tossed aside.  Tarzan bursts in and battles the gorilla, stabbing it several times.  Even Cheetah gets in on the action.  Eventually Tarzan kills the beast, stabbing it through the eye and cutting its throat.

Outside an elephant stampede runs through the village.  Everyone manages to escape and a dying elephant eventually takes them to the elephant graveyard they have been seeking...but Mr. Parker dies once they arrive.  Holt returns to civilization, determined to make a fortune with the newly discovered ivory.  Jane stays with Tarzan and as they watch Holt ride off on an elephant we have...

 
Tarzan is one of the first fictional characters I was exposed to.  My uncle was a huge fan and collector of Edgar Rice Burroughs and I can remember watching various Tarzan movies and cartoons as a kid.  I  remember many discussions about who was the best Tarzan; Gordon Scott or Ron Ely. 

Johnny Weismuller would star in a total of twelve films as Tarzan.  Maureen O'Sullivan would join him in six of these films as Jane.  Though this film is titled Tarzan the Ape Man it is only loosely based on the novel of the same name.  In the novel Tarzan does meet Jane though her last name is Porter, not Parker.  Tarzan is eventually brought back to civilization and there is a love triangle between Tarzan, Jane and William Clayton who, unknown till the end of the novel, is Tarzan's cousin.

The character of William Clayton is often omitted from the movies or is substituted by a similar character.  In this film the character of Harry Holt assumes the role of love interest.  Being a product of the 30s there are a few scenes that, when viewed through 21st century eyes, might seem offensive.  A prime target would be the dwarfs who are all white little people in blackface.

This film is notable for being the first appearance of Cheetah, the chimpanzee sidekick.  Cheetah was created solely for this film, as the character does not appear in any of the novels, but would go on to appear in numerous Tarzan films as well as in the 1966 television series.

Despite being a loose adaption this is a pretty decent film.  It has some silly moments, but there are thrills as well.  The scene of Tarzan fighting a real lion are quite good.  The rear projected interactions Jane and her father have with the African tribes at the beginning, all the stock footage and yes, even Tarzan's battle with a stuffed leopard can be seen as 'silly' but today's standards.  A bit slow in parts, this is an enjoyable film, though if you are looking for a better adaption of the novel or perhaps something more recent then keep reading, I'll be taking a look at several other Tarzan films.

Atragon

The Scooby-Doo like plot of Atragon begins with two seemingly unrelated events.  As photographers are setting up a model for some cheesecake shots a spooky frogman rises from the ocean.  As this happens a car drives off the dock and crashes into the water.  The movie follows detectives investigating a  kidnapping case, photographers as they track down a potential model and a reporter who believes a Japanese submarine disappeared at the end of World War II.  Almost sounds like the writer just threw together random plot ideas to see what would stick. 

A strange man attempts to kidnap a former Admiral and his young ward, the potential model, and take them to Mu.  The Admiral scoffs, saying Mu is a mythical sunken island.  After a brief struggle with the kidnapper he escapes into the ocean.  Later, at the police station, a film arrives from the kidnapper which conveniently explains the history of Mu.  In addition to being educational the Mu Empire demands that the secret underwater battleship Atragon be destroyed and the world returned to Mu.  If these demands are not met the world will be cursed by Manda...whatever Manda is.

After the United Nations decides to ignore the Mu Empire a Japanese vessel is attacked...by steam...and explodes...for some reason.  Also, Venice sinks off screen.  A bit later the world's most powerful submarine...which is named Red Satan for some strange reason, chases an enemy submarine through the ocean depths.  Red Satan has an english speaking crew...though they all have strange accents.  Eventually Red Satan is crushed like a pop can.

While interrogating a man connected with the construction of Atragon an earthquake strikes which the Mu Empire takes credit for.  Eventually the captured man agrees to take this rag tag group of characters to the secret base where Atragon is being constructed.  They arrive and speak to the Captain of Atragon...but he refuses to help.  The Atragon is only for Japan, he states, having never surrendered he intends to see Japan restored to greatness.

The next day everyone is gathered to witness a trial run of Atragon.  The submarine rises from the water...and takes to the air like a jet.  After failing to convince the Captain to save the world an explosion rocks the base and the reporter, who is a Mu spy, kidnaps the Captain's daughter and her love interest.  Meanwhile, the people of Mu dance a happy tribal dance.  It's a bit odd seeing Japanese actresses prancing around in blonde wigs.  It almost feels like these are the forefathers of cosplay. 

The kidnapped couple are brought before the Mu Empress, who sentences them to death by Manda.  We get just a tiny glimpse of Manda and it looks like a Chinese dragon.  Meanwhile, Mu frogmen guys have risen from Mt. Fuji...oh yeah, and UFOs attack the countryside.  It's just not a Toho film without a monster and UFOs.  As Mu attacks Atragon is finally free from the bomb wreckage and takes off to fight the invaders.  At midnight Mu attacks Tokyo with steam-power, which proves devastating.  They also attack with their own submarine, annihilating the Japanese Navy.

The kidnapped couple manage to escape their cell with some super Mu dynamite and as they make their escape the hostage Empress releases Manda...with her butt.  They attempt to swim out but are met by Manda.  Fortunately, Atragon shows up, distracts Manda and everyone safely boards the submarine.  The Captain and Admiral decide to attack the Mu Empire power source and set course...only to be met by Manda.

Manda wraps its snakelike body around Atragon in an attempt to crush it.  It is driven away by electric charges and is blasted by the cold air cannon.  Atragon bursts through the walls of the power station and it's crew members suddenly become an army of Mr. Freeze clones, attacking the Egyptian looking Mu soldiers with cold rays.  The Mr. Freeze soldiers set a bomb, Atragon freezes the power station and departs.  The crew of Atragon watch the explosion from the surface, and battle the last remaining Mu forces...the Mu submarine.  The submarine is destroyed but the Mu Empress escapes and swims into the explosion and we have reached...

Atragon is directed by Ishiro Honda who directed numerous films for Toho, including the original Godzilla (not to mention several of its sequels).  I suppose the best way to describe Atragon is to say it's like a Japanese version of 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.  Atragon is based on a series of juvenile novels which were heavily influenced by Jules Verne.  Manda would go on to appear in Destroy All Monsters and would appear, with a re-imagined Atragon, in the opening sequence of Godzilla:  Final Wars. 

 
The beginning of the film is a bit sketchy and parts of the film are a bit slow, but I found it be quite good.  There are some goofy elements such as Japanese actors wearing blonde wigs, some reused footage from The Mysterians and Mothra (though only hardcore fans will spot it) and subtitles that, while not the worst i've ever been subjected to (that honor falls to Space Sheriff Gavan) could stand some improvement.  In the end, if you enjoy any of the Toho films or movies such as The Last Dinosaur, The Land That Time Forgot or 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea then you will enjoy Atragon.        

She

She is a 1965 film based on the novel of the same name by H. Rider Haggard.  The first movie adaption of She was made in 1935 by Merian C. Cooper, famous for writing, producing and directing the original King Kong.  This film was produced by Hammer Film Productions, most famous for their various films about Dracula, Frankenstein and for pitting Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing against one another quite often.

The movie opens with some natives dancing as the credits roll and...wait, staring Peter Cushing as Holly?  Holly?  Ok, whatever.  The movie finally begins in Palestine in 1918 with some dancing girls...at least we're off to a good start.  Peter Cushing is having a drink with two old pals.  World War I has ended and they are trying to decide what to do with their lives.  One of the guys, Leo (Leo?!) is smitten with a beautiful girl and starts chatting her up.

Leo and the girl leave together and manage to avoid a fight as Cushing and English Bob start a brawl.  Lesson learned:  never step on a gentleman's bowler hat.  As Leo starts to make kissy face with his lady friend he gets knocked out.  Later, Christopher Lee enters and tells us they will be taking Leo away...somewhere.  He wakes up and encounters Ursula Andress, known as Ayesha in this film.  Ayesha rambles some nonsense about having riches and anything he could desire and Leo quickly decides to ditch his previous girl for Ursula, and really who can blame him?

She (ha!) gives him a map and a ring and Leo is escorted out by her bodyguards.  He must survive the trials of the journey in order to possess her.  Later, Leo collects Cushing and English Bob and returns to where he met Ayesha, only to find the place completely empty.  After looking at the map the three friends decide to set off and find Leo's mysterious girl and the lost city she supposedly resides in.

After a day of trekking through the desert Leo sees a vision of Ayesha in a pool of water.  The next day the three wake up to find their water bags have been slashed.  Along the journey Leo tells Cushing he feels as though this path is familiar, as though something were calling him.  As they approach a mountain ridge a group of desert marauders attack and steal their camels.  With their supplies and extra water gone they continue through the desert on foot.

After collapsing from exhaustion Leo sees a vision of Ayesha again and passes out.  He wakes up to find his  Girly friend from the beginning pouring water on his face.  She tries to convince Leo to turn back but he refuses.  He falls ill from the loss of blood sustained in the battle with the desert marauders.  Girly friend's people show up and take care of Leo.  Cushing discovers that Leo looks exactly like the image on the medallion Girly friend's father wears.

The natives rush in and take Leo to their ceremony.  After much dancing and flailing around one of the natives comes at Leo with a large blade.  Just as he is about to go in for the kill he is stopped by...Roman Legionaries?  It's Christopher Lee with a group of Roman-esq soldiers.  When Cushing rises to meet Lee's gaze for a moment you expect him to say, 'Ah, my old nemesis'.  It's a great moment.  Lee's soldiers take Leo and the others to a giant statue carved into the side of a canyon wall.

Once Leo recovers Ayesha tells him that he is the reincarnation of her beloved prince.  At first he refuses to believe but then starts to experience a vision of his past life.  In his vision he sees himself smooching a girl then being stabbed to death by Ayesha.  She tells us that she is immortal and leaves him to dwell on his past life.  Later, Cushing wanders about and finds Lee, heh, praying before several mummies.  They have a brief chat and we're left wondering where Lee's loyalties lie.

Later, everyone is gathered in the throne room before Ayesha.  The natives that tried to kill Leo earlier are brought forth and are sentenced to death.  They are thrown into a dark pit, much like that now infamous scene in 300, though this one is full of lava.  Unable to do anything, Leo's group watches in horror.  As they attempt to lecture her about her barbarian ways she in turn reminds them of the horrors they recently faced on the battlefields of World War I.  She also shows them the ruins of a great Egyptian city and announces she fully intends to restore it.  Even after admitting she plans to conquer the world Leo and Ayesha play kissy face.

Ayesha shows Leo the flame of eternal life, the source of her immortality.  A bit later Leo and Cushing debate life, death and immortality.  Girly friend confesses her love to Leo and tells him why they can't be together, but just as in the past Ayesha catches him in the act of smooching another woman.

Sometime later everyone is assembled in the throne room again and Ayesha reveals a cage hanging over the lava pit which contains Girly friend.  Leo jumps in and tries to stop her from being killed.  Cushing tries to talk some sense into Ayesha and she states that the only way to save Girly friend is for Leo to kill her with the same knife she used to kill him in the past.  Leo takes the knife...and is unable to kill her. 

When Leo confesses he has doubts he is her long lost prince Ayesha shows him the body of Kallikrate, as she has kept the body all this time.  Sometime later when Girly friend's father arrives he is given an urn which contains the ashes of his daughter.  He yells out and a battle erupts.  Meanwhile, Ayesha takes Leo to the flame chamber.  Lee arrives and tells us he intends to enter the flame and become immortal.  He and Leo begin a sword duel.

 
Lee manages to beat Leo, but just as he is about to leap into the flames Ayesha stabs him.  As Lee dies Ayesha and Leo enter the flames and embrace.  After a few moments we see something isn't right.  Ayesha begins to age horribly.  She eventually turns to dust, much like Walter Donovan in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.  Realizing what he has done, Leo attempts to step back into the flames but it is too late...the flames return to their normal state and we have...The End.

As previously mentioned the title character is played by Ursula Andress, most famous for her role as Honey Rider in the first James Bond film, Dr. No.  As in Dr. No Andress is dubbed over by Nikki Van der Zyl.  Most people recognize Peter Cushing from his role as Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars.  He'll always be Van Helsing to me though.  This is not the first film to put Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee together, though this is one of the few where they don't come into conflict.  Lee has been in numerous films and tv shows.  From the original Charlie's Angels to Captain America II:  Death Too Soon, Space: 1999, The Lord of the Rings films and, of course, many many Hammer Horror films.  

This film has many elements working in it's favor.  A great cast for one thing.  Though this is a Hammer film it's not exactly a horror movie.  So, if you're expecting a bit of blood or a scare you'll find those elements lacking.  She does drag a bit in the middle, but its a great film.  The only real action is the final battle at the end, but this is, I guess you could say, a thinking man's movie.  I loved the back and forth between Lee and Cushing in the one big scene they have together and the debate about immortality is quite interesting.

If you enjoy some of the non horror films from Hammer, like Five Million Years to Earth, then you will enjoy She.  Light on action, but very compelling.  And hey, where else are you gonna see Ursula Andress kill Christopher Lee?