Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Night Fright
Night Fright is a 1967 TV movie staring John Agar, who we previously saw in The Mole People. Our movie opens with some teens playing kissy face. The radio tells us a fireball was seen blazing across the sky. Something approaches the car and...what the hell? That was a weird transition. From scream to laugh. Anyway, we now switch to two other teens. I hope they last longer than the first couple.
Oh, I hope this guy dies soon. His acting is so bad. He keep rambling on about leaves and gravity and such. His pauses are more pregnant than those of Shatner... and i'm a Shatner fan. What are you trying to say!? So the kids run and play in the forest for ever and then...another weird jump cut...to our credits? Eleven minutes into the movie and its like someone forgot about them.
The police talk about finding a crashed rocket then go to a murder scene. Murder? Murdered by...nature? They keep saying the girl was 'chewed up' what makes them think it was murder? Anyway the police look for clues. Honestly I think Scooby and Shaggy could do better. This looking for clues sequence just goes on and on.
They finally find some weird alligator like tracks. Does this whole movie consist of people walking in the woods?! The biggest excitement thus far is the sheriff nearly getting ran over by the teenagers. The movie suddenly switches...to a commercial? Oh, no...it just looks like one. For a minute there I was about to head to the lobby for a snack.
So later, much later, the kids have a 'beach party'. Looks like they're just in the woods near a lake. Somebody better die soon. Having a party in a place called Satan's Hollow...great idea by the way. Nothing can possibly go wrong. Finally, a deputy is cornered by the monster. Even this is just a tease. The teens are warned to stay away and most of them actually listen. The kids that didn't leave get terrorized by the monster. He slowly stalks a girl through the woods. The sheriff shows up, shots the monster...then he runs away.
Later, a scientist tells us that a NASA experiment that launched animals into space is what crashed. The animals have mutated and are responsible for the killings. The sheriff forms a plan and everyone waits for the monster. He uses a mannequin as a decoy and blows up the monster. Jokes are made, hugs given, the girl is kissed and we have...The End.
Most of the movie takes place at night...or what we are supposed to believe is night. The monster looks like a Klingon in a gorilla suit. At one point, during the VHS boom, the movie was retitled, 'The Extraterrestrial Nasty'. So after all this if you even consider watching this film...I pity you. Don't do it. This film is on the same level as Octaman or The Beast of Yucca Flats. It's so bad and there isn't even a lot to make fun of.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The Giant Behemoth
Our credits roll across screen as if rocked by the ocean. If I were prone to sea sickness...whoa! Everything exploded. The a-bomb fills the screen and a scientist tells us all about it. This is typical movie stuffs. A-bomb bad. Mutation. Nature good. Our movie shifts its focus to an old fisherman and his daughter. Eventually he is attacked and his dying word is, 'Behemoth!'. Not quite as dramatic as the little girl in Them! Later, the beach is filled with dead fish. Meanwhile, the scientist from the opening learns of the mysterious goings on and heads to Cornwall.
They begin to investigate but come up with nothing. Most of this stuff is just exposition...and science! See the fish dissection! Thrill to the radioactive water tests! Finally, the scientists are satisfied radioactivity exists in Cornwall. Maybe now something interesting will happen. On the ocean they finally spot something; the snakelike back of a sea monster. This brief moment of excitement is followed by meetings, discussion, and more exposition.
Later, a barking dog leads a father and son to the beach where the behemoth gives them a big lethal dose of radiation. After destroying a helicopter the monster finally shows itself. It rises and threatens a ferry. The monster manages to sink the ferry, killing all on-board. The military and scientists discuss how best to destroy the beast. The behemoth rises from the Thames and begins its rampage of London.
This is actually a nicely done sequence with people freeing in terror and some closeups of the monster. Soldiers attack with machine gun, rifle and pistol fire but this does nothing and they are melted by radiation. The behemoth destroying the power lines reminds me of a similar scene in the first Godzilla film.
Our lead scientists completes work on a special radium torpedo and hops in a mini-sub. It doesn't take long for the behemoth to find the sub. He fires into the monster's mouth and it explodes. The Thames begins to boil and bubble like a witches cauldron. As the two scientists dive away a radio report says that the east coast of America is full of dead fish. The End?
The star of our film, the Behemoth, was animated by Willis O'Brien, who was responsible for the groundbreaking special effects in the original King Kong. When the monster attacks London it is a long sequence and makes up for the long science and exposition scenes. Ultimately, if you enjoy films like Godzilla or perhaps Gorgo, the The Giant Behemoth is something you'd enjoy.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Horror Express
All aboard! Horror Express is a 1972 horror film starring Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and Telly Savalas. Or, if you perfer, Dracula, Dr. Who, and Blofeld. This should be interesting.
Our movie opens with Lee finding the frozen remains of what he believes to be a missing link in Manchuria. He makes preparations to board a train, taking the remains with him. In the meantime a man picks the lock which secures the frozen remains and later turns up dead, his eyes completely vacant of color.
Once the train gets moving and all our characters become acquainted Cushing's character pays a man to take a peak at whatever is in Lee's deadly crate. The man looks in, sees the frozen remains and leaves...but later a hand reaches out and picks the lock. Hearing a noise the man returns to investigate, only to be seized by the hand. He looks into the red eye of the monster and his eyes turn white, blood runs from them, and falls dead.
When the man is discovered missing Lee is confronted and ordered to turn over the key. He simply tosses it out a window. The crate is eventually broken into and they find the body of the dead man. Soldiers begin searching for the monster and one eventually finds it...but is killed. Lee and his assistant perform an autopsy on one of the dead men. They find the victim's brain is completely smooth. Drained of his memory.
The monster claims another victim, a beautiful redhead who was attempting to rob a safe. She was using Cushing anyway so I don't feel all that sorry to see her go. Other than she was a redhead. Love redheads. Which, I feel compelled to point out...this movie has three of them. In searching for the girl Cushing is seized by the monster but is saved by one of the soldiers. The monster attempts to kill him from afar, using only its gaze to make his blood run...but the monster is shot several times and falls dead.
Lee theorizes that the creature is able to absorb peoples minds, their memories, through the eyes somehow. Lee and Cushing examine the monster's eye and see things from its perspective. They see dinosaurs and the Earth as seen from space. Is the monster a demon or an alien?
The monster, who jumped into the body of the man that killed its body, kills Cushing's assistant. When the passengers become nervous about all the goings on they demand action. Lee and Cushing begin to examine everyone's eyes, attempting to spot the monster, but this fails. Later on Lee tells us that the monster arrived from another planet and was able to adapt itself to life on Earth.
Suddenly the train stops at a depot and soldiers rush into the train. Telly Savalas leads the soldiers and takes charge. Eventually Lee exposes the monster to everyone and Telly not only stabs it in the back but puts a few bullets in it as well. Wounded, the monster transfers its essence into a mad monk. The monster cuts the lights and manages to kill most of Telly's soldiers and eventually, Telly himself.
Lee confronts the monster who tells us he is a form of energy from another galaxy. The monster goes into this weird trance and brings all his victims back to life. Working together Lee and Cushing manage to separate the last car where all the survivors are huddled together just moments before the train dives off a huge cliff. The survivors watch the wreckage burn and we have...
Though this film is Spanish made it could quite easily fit in with the Hammer horror films. If certain elements of this film feel familiar its because inspiration was taken from the novel Who Goes There? which was eventually put to film twice: The Thing From Another World and its remake The Thing. This film also goes against type, having Lee and Cushing act as allies instead of enemies.
The only negative aspect of this film is Telly Savalas. He simply shows up far too late in the film. Though he's wonderful in his scene chewing role of Kazan it's as though he shows up, acts absurd and is then killed off. Well, at least he wasn't killed by a talking doll this time. Ultimately though, Horror Express is a nice little horror movie and, if you're a fan of Hammer movies then this is right up your alley.
Our movie opens with Lee finding the frozen remains of what he believes to be a missing link in Manchuria. He makes preparations to board a train, taking the remains with him. In the meantime a man picks the lock which secures the frozen remains and later turns up dead, his eyes completely vacant of color.
Once the train gets moving and all our characters become acquainted Cushing's character pays a man to take a peak at whatever is in Lee's deadly crate. The man looks in, sees the frozen remains and leaves...but later a hand reaches out and picks the lock. Hearing a noise the man returns to investigate, only to be seized by the hand. He looks into the red eye of the monster and his eyes turn white, blood runs from them, and falls dead.
When the man is discovered missing Lee is confronted and ordered to turn over the key. He simply tosses it out a window. The crate is eventually broken into and they find the body of the dead man. Soldiers begin searching for the monster and one eventually finds it...but is killed. Lee and his assistant perform an autopsy on one of the dead men. They find the victim's brain is completely smooth. Drained of his memory.
The monster claims another victim, a beautiful redhead who was attempting to rob a safe. She was using Cushing anyway so I don't feel all that sorry to see her go. Other than she was a redhead. Love redheads. Which, I feel compelled to point out...this movie has three of them. In searching for the girl Cushing is seized by the monster but is saved by one of the soldiers. The monster attempts to kill him from afar, using only its gaze to make his blood run...but the monster is shot several times and falls dead.
Lee theorizes that the creature is able to absorb peoples minds, their memories, through the eyes somehow. Lee and Cushing examine the monster's eye and see things from its perspective. They see dinosaurs and the Earth as seen from space. Is the monster a demon or an alien?
The monster, who jumped into the body of the man that killed its body, kills Cushing's assistant. When the passengers become nervous about all the goings on they demand action. Lee and Cushing begin to examine everyone's eyes, attempting to spot the monster, but this fails. Later on Lee tells us that the monster arrived from another planet and was able to adapt itself to life on Earth.
Suddenly the train stops at a depot and soldiers rush into the train. Telly Savalas leads the soldiers and takes charge. Eventually Lee exposes the monster to everyone and Telly not only stabs it in the back but puts a few bullets in it as well. Wounded, the monster transfers its essence into a mad monk. The monster cuts the lights and manages to kill most of Telly's soldiers and eventually, Telly himself.
Lee confronts the monster who tells us he is a form of energy from another galaxy. The monster goes into this weird trance and brings all his victims back to life. Working together Lee and Cushing manage to separate the last car where all the survivors are huddled together just moments before the train dives off a huge cliff. The survivors watch the wreckage burn and we have...
Though this film is Spanish made it could quite easily fit in with the Hammer horror films. If certain elements of this film feel familiar its because inspiration was taken from the novel Who Goes There? which was eventually put to film twice: The Thing From Another World and its remake The Thing. This film also goes against type, having Lee and Cushing act as allies instead of enemies.
The only negative aspect of this film is Telly Savalas. He simply shows up far too late in the film. Though he's wonderful in his scene chewing role of Kazan it's as though he shows up, acts absurd and is then killed off. Well, at least he wasn't killed by a talking doll this time. Ultimately though, Horror Express is a nice little horror movie and, if you're a fan of Hammer movies then this is right up your alley.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Them!
Them is a 1954 film staring James Whitmore, known to genre fans as the President of the Tribunal that tried Taylor in Planet of the Apes, but perhaps is most famous for his role as Books in The Shawshank Redemption. Also present is James Arness who would eventually become sheriff Matt Dillon in the tv series Gunsmoke.
Our movie begins with the discovery of a small girl found wandering alone in the desert. The police officers who find the girl investigate a trailer, thinking maybe she wandered away, only to discover it has been torn apart. The cops visit a local grocery store and find it torn apart as well. The mysterious culprit returns and kills one of the cops off screen. The police and FBI are baffled. Is there a maniac on the loose? And why is sugar found at each crime scene? Later, a Doctor from the Dept. of Agriculture shows up with his daughter. The Dr. manages to jolt the little girl out of her catatonic state. She simply screams, 'Them!' over and over.
Later the group returns to the trailer. They find a mysterious print and while searching for more Dr. Daughter finds the source...a giant ant! Arness and Whitmore blast it with bullets until it collapses. The Dr. theorizes that radiation from the first atomic bomb test has mutated a nest of ants. The Dr. is the usual kind of dysfunctional genius. Brilliant in his deductions, but confused about simple things such as proper radio etiquette.
The Dr. devises a plan and they blast the nest with phosphorus to keep them (heh) inside due to the heat, and drop cyanide to kill the ants. After a brief discussion about a womanz place Dr. Daughter accompanies the team and they descend into the nest. After entering the queen's chamber they discover that two queens have managed to escape. Now, they must discover and destroy the queen ants before they can set up a new colony.
Eventually they talk to a man in an asylum who claims to have seen flying saucer shaped ants. This guy reminds me of Randy Quaid's character from Independence Day. We hear the familiar Wilhelm scream several times in this film. When the ants attack a ship one of the sailors screams out in pain and terror. With one of the queens now dead, destroyed by the Navy off screen, Arness and Whitmore investigate the theft of 40 tons of sugar.
Later, a drunk tells about seeing ants and they eventually discover ants in the LA drainage system. A press conference is held and LA is put under martial law and the whole ant ordeal is made public. The army eventually enters the drains and begins searching for the queen. Whitmore finds the nest and kills several ants but dies in the process. The army swarms in and kills the ants. They make their way to the queens chamber and destroy it. Everyone watches the burning ants die and we have...The End.
Them! is perhaps the best of the giant insect films of the 50s. With high production values and fine performances from its principal actors it never wanders into absurdity like so many other films that came before, or others who would seek to emulate it. The sound of the ants is actually that of Hyla Avivoca, or the bird-voiced tree frog. A little joke with one of my friends is that, while driving during the evening, the sound of these frogs often sounds very similar to that of Them! Often we'll look at one other and say, as the little girl did, 'Them!'
Leonard Nimoy has a blink and you'll miss it role as a soldier handling reports about the ants. The only negative thing I have to say about this film is that the romance between Arness and Dr. Daughter never quite materlizes. He's obviously 'sweet' on her and is overprotective...but there are no fireworks. It's very subtle though. Sometimes we simply see them holding hands. Put simply, if you're in the mood for a well made science fiction film from the atomic age then look no further.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a 1978 cult film that spawned the most unlikely franchise ever. This film would eventually lead to three sequels, video games, comics and an animated series. All this from a campy movie parody. The movie opens with a warning telling us that when Alfred Hitchcock made The Birds people thought it was silly...until a small town was actually invaded by birds. From this the audience is supposed to fear the mighty tomato. A brief sequence follows where a tomato rolls around and terrorizes a house wife.
Following that sequence we have the credits and the movie's theme song plays. If for some reason you thought this was going to be a serious movie...those hopes have now been dashed as the opening credits remind me of Monty Python and The Holy Grail. The film resumes with the police investigating the death of the house wife. Later the police are seen near a farm in a desperate battle with the tomatoes.
A bit later several Generals and Scientists manage to squeeze into a small room for a conference on what to do about the killer tomatoes. A japanese scientist, dubbed in english, gives a report. Later we see that even cute teenage girls out for a swim are not safe, as the tomatoes attack them. Obviously, the threat is serious if cute girls are in danger. Jaws was quite popular at the time and this sequence is meant to parody it.
A secret document on the growing tomato threat is 'misplaced' and ends up in the hands of our Lois Lane stand in...Lois Fairchild. Meanwhile, tomatoes are still causing chaos as they attack a guy riding a dirt bike then later attack the police that were sent to assist. I should point out our rotating cast of characters also includes a secret team composed of a master of disguise, a paratrooper, a Olympic athlete and a scuba diver. The master of disguise assumes the identity of Hitler. The disguise is so good that one of this own teammates tries to attack him...despite the fact he is black.
The movie is so absurd it even identifies San Fransisco as New York. I guess I don't need to mention the guy who randomly breaks out in song. Or the talking dog and his master who are killed by tomatoes. The leader of the secret team is suddenly caught by two killer tomatoes but before they can attack are scared away by some unknown force.
The awkward flirting between Lois and the paratrooper reminds me of Beast From Haunted Cave...only this scene is played for laughs. Meanwhile the master of disguise has infiltrated the tomatoes but exposes himself once he asks for ketchup. Finally, the army takes action and engages the tomatoes in a deadly battle.
Near the end of the film we have a great car chase. It starts off the with paratrooper's parachute getting caught in the car door. When both vehicles sputter out he is almost able to out run the car. Eventually a plan to destroy the tomatoes is devised. It is discovered that the 'hit song' Puberty Love can destroy the tomatoes. The song causes the tomatoes to shrink back to normal size and everyone stomps them. The movie ends with a love song and...the possible rise of the killer carrots?
The tomatoes being defeated by a song certainly reminds me of Lynn Minmay from Macross. If you've forgot about Minmay then you clearly do not remember love! Also of musical interest, it should be noted that the singer of Puberty Love is Matt Cameron who would eventually become the drummer for Soundgarden and Pearl Jam.
There is certainly more to this movie than i've pointed out. It's something that you need to experience for yourself. If you enjoy Mystery Science Theater 3000, any movie parody like the Scary Movie series or bad movies like Plan 9 From Outer Space then you'll love Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Beast From Haunted Cave Strikes Back!
The second video installment of RetroVirus is out. The time we return to Beast From Haunted Cave...narrated by yours truly!
Beast from Haunted Cave
Beast from Haunted Cave
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan
Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan is a 1984 film starring Christopher Lambert as the title character. Lambert, of course, would become famous for his role as Connor MacLeod in the Highlander film series.
Our movie opens in Africa as a harsh storm begins to set in. A domestic dispute erupts between two chimps and, as a result, their infant son is killed. The film then shifts ten months earlier in Scotland where the Earl of Greystoke and his wife, Alice, depart on a voyage but are quickly shipwrecked in Africa. The film catches up with itself as we see the apes from the prologue, with the mother cradling her dead infant.
John Clayton, who will grow up to become Tarzan, is born, but his mother is left in a weakened state, catches malaria and dies. The male chimp soon enters the treehouse and kills Tarzan's father. Kala, the female chimp, abandons her dead infant and adopts the infant human. Time passes and we see little Tarzan grow up. He is a wild, naked boy who has taken on chimp traits, as well as learning to mimic animal sounds.
Tarzan learns to swim in order to escape a black panther as it kills a member of his 'family'. Many years later he discovers the treehouse he was born in. He sees himself in a mirror, learning he is different from his family. Later, while in the treehouse, natives mortally wound Kala. Tarzan tries to care for her but is stabbed by a native. Tarzan kills the native in anger and is left with the body of his dead 'mother'.
Many years later Bilbo Baggins arrives...or perhaps it's Jack the Ripper? Philippe D'Arnot , played by Ian Holm, is exploring the jungle when he finds the treehouse. Natives attack, killing nearly everyone and leaving D'Arnot alone and injured. Hiding in a tree to escape the natives, it is here that he first encounters the ape man. Tarzan takes care of D'Arnot and returns home with his trophy, the carcass of....Bagheera?
Tarzan and Kerchak, the leader of the ape family fight to the death. This is a battle that has been brewing since Tarzan was a child, as Kerchak has tormented and savagely beat him in the past. Tarzan kills Kerchak and becomes lord of the apes. Later on D'Arnot is able to teach Tarzan bits of songs and some english, his mimicing skills put to good use. Six months later Tarzan has learned and comprehends english. Finally, Tarzan leaves his home.
Tarzan arrives at the Greystoke estate where he is welcomed by his grandfather. He also meets Jane Porter, played by Andie MacDowell. A bit later a dinner is held to welcome Tarzan. He forgets his manners and is regarded as a curiosity, especially when he displays his mimicing ability. Once D'Arnot leaves Jane takes over as Tarzan's teacher.
Much later Tarzan's grandfather dies at a Christmas gathering, in an accident where he was trying to reclaim his youth. After the funeral D'Arnot returns and Tarzan confesses that, with the death of this grandfather, he is alone, that he does not belong. Later that night though, Tarzan and Jane play kissy face and are engaged. At a museum dedication to his grandfather, Tarzan is dismayed at all the stuffed animals on display. Eventually Tarzan encounters a lab where an ape has been cut open for dissection.
Tarzan discovers his adoptive ape father in a cage and sets him free. While playing in a tree Tarzan's 'father' is shot and killed. After some debate Tarzan decides to go home to Africa. Tarzan sheds his suit, takes off through the jungle, pauses to look at Jane and D'Arnot one last time, and vanishes in the jungle.
Though I have referred to John Clayton as Tarzan throughout this review he is never referred to as such in this film. Many consider this movie to be the closest to the original novel, though it does take some liberties, especially with the ending. The novel, Tarzan of the Apes, ends with Jane engaged to William Clayton, (who is once again absent from this adaption). Indeed, Tarzan travels to America in search of Jane and it is only at the end of the novel when his heritage is proven. He says nothing though as he simply wants Jane to be happy.
This film saw the debut of Christopher Lambert and Andie MacDowell, though her lines were dubbed by Glenn Close in post-production. Close would go on to voice Kala, Tarzan's adoptive mother in the Disney adaption. I think it's interesting to compare the way Jane is portrayed in this film versus the previous film where Bo Derek played Jane. They may as well be completely different characters. MacDowell's Jane is warm and compassionate. Derek's Jane is bitter and very...uh...free with herself.
I would say that if you are at all curious about Tarzan then you should check out this film. It is fairly close to the book and has captured its essence. In the novels Tarzan and Jane do eventually wed and even have a son, Korak, who would also have almost as many adventures as his father.
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